Everyday we see the same crazy behaviour in work. We think we are intelligent people. We go to work, become frustrated, stressed and sick with a system that generates feelings of overwhelm and powerlessness and an inability to cope with workloads that spiral out of control. Yet with all our intelligence we don’t see the truth that we are the ones who are investing in and propping up what makes us sick. We actively support the cause of our own distress.
We constantly make work more important than ourselves. We refuse to care for ourselves, working late in the evenings and through the weekend desperate to ‘catch up’. Catching up is a dream. Our drive to ‘be the good’ social worker, teacher, dentist, doctor, plumber, builder, bricklayer, shopkeeper or what ever role we choose in our bid to ‘be the good ‘ is pushing us and we choose to let it be stronger than us. We let the outside, the world tell us how to live, how to breathe and how to be ourselves
We experience the sheer distress that comes from desperately wanting to be the ‘good worker’, but unable to be that because we just can’t match the ideal, the demands or the expectation. We are all invested in doing the job well, we have a picture of what we ‘should’ be able to achieve, it’s what we are told what we ‘should’ be completing but when we come no where near it we feel react. In reaction we beat ourselves up, self-loathe, have poor self-worth, hide in the toilets crying, talk about how we feel sick, tired, exhausted and dis-spirited, talk about how we hate feeling like this, about how crazy it is. Despite all of this we do nothing to stop it. Why? It makes no intelligent sense.
SO HOW INTELLIGENT ARE WE?
We have on the one hand –
a drive to be good at what we do
on the other hand –
what the world tells us we need, should and demand to be.
Our reaction to this is to try harder, drive ourselves harder, push to catch up but all the time ignoring the uncomfortable truth of how much we are hurting ourselves in the process.
Everyone wants the job to make sense, but it doesn’t. We want to feel we are good at our job, but what is the cost?
Wouldn’t an intelligent person be asking by now –
WHAT IS GOING ON?
Why do I think I need to be a ‘good’ anything?
Why is my home life taken up with work?
Why don’t I get any true rest where I’m not worrying about work?
Why do I over eat and over-drink to bury how tired and exhausted I feel?
Why do I get sick so often?
Why do I wake with panic attacks in the middle of the night?
Why am I awake at 3am feeling like I’m in a racing car that’s out of control?
And very pertinently – why do I support a way of working that is making me sick at heart and sick in body?
WHAT ARE WE DOING?
What if there was a different way to live and work? What if we let go of all our ideals and pictures of what we should be and do? What if we understood that ‘being good’ is killing us? What if we stopped trusting our intelligence? After all, how can we possibly trust something that creates such a mess? What if we stopped listening to the outside world and started listening to what our body is telling us? What is stopping us change this?
What is it going to take, to get us to STOP and see there is no sense in what we are doing because it doesn’t make sense?
© Ariana Ray, July 2012